Suicide. One word. Two therefore. Three yourself. Four whom exactly? Five minutes to execute. Six-tea sics reasons why. Se7en deadly letters. Ateth sins.
And I could go on and on, playing with numbers, juggling letters, highlighting the highlighted, introducing homonyms, homophones, homographs and what nots. But there is one thing I could not possibly do even if I wish I could. Reviving the gone, echoing the laughter, bringing back the smile, or easing the uneasy pain of the closed ones.
True, it is no recent phenomenon. True once again, there might not be a complete cure. Because this is what it is. A disease. A disease of the heart and the mind. The simultaneous malfunction of two important parts of our body. The heart weakens and the mind executes. Two dangerous focal points disagreeing on what might not be that important in some months. And yet?
And yet, time entertains us. It surely entertains our feelings and oozy sentiments. Compassion. Empathy. Sympathy. And love. This is what people are called to feel. But an excess of all these can be fatal. Unfortunately. Definitely, time does heal. But no one pays attention to the person who goes throughout the healing process. And not everyone makes it out the same during this process. Healing and Dealing. This is what I would call it.
You heal when you deal with it. And how do you deal with it? By opening up, by talking to someone, anyone. Life cannot be that hard that some things must go unnoticed or unheard of. We should talk about it. We should start somewhere. We really need to work on our perception. If I think that I am feeling mentally drained, or unfit with unclear images, I seek help. No, I am not a mad person. No, you should not start running around and tell my peers that I am mad because I am under a treatment. It is just that, at this period of my life, during this healing and dealing process, I need some advices, some life-saving advices.
People are born. People die. Some people are killed. And yet again, some people are made to take their own life. Tragic, is not it? Slut-shamming, skin-shamming, fat-shamming, and driving others to hate their own beings. Who did not, willingly or unwillingly participate in this saga. I did. Not proud of that, but yeah I definitely did it at some point. No excuses.
But I would take it all back. I would for all the souls who are wandering and wondering how? And why? For whom? Life goes on. People will live. People will laugh again. People will love again. But will you? No, you will not. And it pains me. It gets to me. Because I don’t know, I seriously do not know about angels or heaven, or devils and hell. I wish I would have known. But I don’t know. So I do not know if you are safe, or safer.
So I really do not know about life after death. But I know that the lives of the people after the sudden death of a closed one, do not remain the same. A hairstyle. A laughter. A movie. A line. A song. Anything can be a trigger of pain, and for that matters, of shame.
When someone takes their own life, they take a little bit life of others in their surroundings. So when you killed yourself, a little bit of me died inside. I know not of what. Not now, maybe never. But it surely died.
So next time, when someone is trying to tell you something, listen. When someone is trying to go through the healing process, help them with the dealing process. There is no such thing as valuable as life as we know it. Of course, I am not asking to be hijacked or blackmailed by threats. We are all free to live the life we want, and how we want, if we are not causing harm to another one.
The very next time, any one of you is feeling down, or you think that your heart is about to explode and your mind is not responding, take a deep breath. The deepest that you can. And think. THINK. Think about who cares for you, about those who are still here, and about the pain you are going to cause. Firstly, to yourself, and then to your peers. Cry. CRY. If that makes you feel better. Scream. SCREAM. Because life is hectic and we tend to forget ourselves in the process. And then you live. LIVE. For the sacrifices of your upbringings, for the love you were always bestowed and for the gift you got. Life. LIFE!
To live a life. To bring a life. To save a life.
If you want to talk, feel free to call on (completely confidential) from NGOs and the Government :
1. 46 48 889
2. 800 93 93
4. 5 4665310
5. 5 9154501 (My personal number)
In the loving memory of S,
The one who always loved my writings,
Even if I wish I had written it earlier.